Today, I am feeling insanely, smuggly happy.
Things just seem great. I had an early night, fell straight to sleep, dreamt about nice things (although in that tantalizing way, I can almost remember what but can't *quite* remember) and woke up refreshed and ready to get up.
Soon, my lovely man will pull up on his amazing motorbike (CBR600 RR, red and black, sooo nice) and I will hop on the back for a ride in the sunshine.
I admit now, motorbiking has lost a bit of that sheen it used to hold for me. I remember how much I loved it when Mike first took me out. I could not stop grinning from ear to ear. It was the best thing ever to me and I was amazed at his handling of this huge machine. I was content to cling tight to him and enjoy the feel of the wind, the sun on our faces and the different smells as we drove through town and country, the small joys that make all the difference from travelling in an enclosed car. I said in an off-handed way that I would love to try driving myself and, generous as always, Mike offered to let me try his. I knew I would drop it though and declined. After all, I wasn't really serious, it was just a flash in the pan pipe-dream. Everytime we went out I would enthuse, saying how much I would love to be able to drive one myself, but not thinking it would ever really happen. It was like, wouldn't it be great to climb Mount Everest? A fun thing to dream about but the reality of doing it a little too daunting, always in the "what if?"future and never advancing to here-and-now reality.
It was thus I felt a little guilty when, with a huge grin, Mike presented me with a new shiny red helmet for Christmas so that I could pursue my dream of doing my motorbike training. Our relationship still relatively new, he obviously didn't know what I was really like, a big talker, afraid to be a 'do-er'.
I let my mind play about with the possibility more as it came into Spring. It was true Lindsay style decision-making. A little bit of internet research, "just too see". A million and one reasons why I could not (What would my parents think? What if I got hurt? What was the point when I could not afford to buy a bike anyway?) After a bit of fantasizing, the decision was always firmly made. No. It was ridiculous. I couldn't. I wouldn't.
But I always found myself back on the internet, researching. I even popped into the British School of Motoring to find out about their training. I scrounged up all my courage and called a trainer, expecting to get a bit of information. Instead, by the end of the phone call, my training day was all booked. My stomach literally went cold when I realized what I'd done. Then, typically Lindsay, immediately I began to worry: What if I failed? In fact, of course I would fail. I'd never ridden a bike in my life. Clearly, I would not even be able to make it move. There was no way I would be able to do it. How embarrassing to have to tell everyone I had tried and not even managed to get the bike going. Best to just cancel now. Oh...but I'd paid the deposit. OK. I would do the training, but I would not tell anyone.
So it happened that bright and early one Sunday morning, I was there at my training, clutching my still-gleaming red helmet, pathetically underprepared with no gloves, no jacket, no proper footwear. Jeans, runners and several sweaters to try to keep warm. The two other guys I was to train with had all the gear, leathers, gloves, you name it. And not even clever enough to think of a reason I would not be contactable all day, I had told Mike only that I was 'busy' and that what I was doing was none of his business (charming!)
Somehow, miraculously, I didn't do too badly. Sure, it wasn't easy. I felt like crying. But at each step, somehow, I managed to do what was needed. Start ignition, depress clutch, into gear, clutch out...hop, hop, stall. Hmm....start ignition, depress clutch, into gear, clutch out, hop, hop...I'm moving. OMG! I'm moving! I'm driving a motorbike!!
At the end of the day my head was pounding, I could have fallen asleep standing up and my shoulders were so tense you could have broken rocks on them. But I was clutching a piece of paper that said that I could ride a motorbike. Legally. On real roads and everything! I debated not telling anyone, but flush with excitement, could not keep it from Mike and showed him my certificate.
Of little use to me, though, as I didn't have a motorbike to drive and practice on. I looked around a little bit online but could not really afford to buy one anyway. It was still fun to go on the back of Mike's but I was jonesing to drive myself. I used to sit outside on beautiful sunny evenings and think, "I could be out riding now". Imagine my surprise when my lovely boyfriend showed up at my house one summer evening and announced that he had found a great bike at a great price and had bought it for me as an 'investement'. Meet Noel.
Noel and I were pretty much constant companions for the next year, as I moved further away from work and he was my only means of commuting (buses don't run when your shifts finish at 2am, and the hospital has very limited parking). I would strap into several fleece layers and hop on most icy mornings throughout the winter, and Noel never let me down.
It was thus, with a heavy heart that I handed over Noels' keys this August to a lovely young guy in Coventry. Reason: One rainy and I mean rainy day in the not-too-distant past, I got up at 5am to go to the Kingstanding Test Centre in Birmingham. There, Lee (ex-army, quite scary) put me through my paces in the torrential rain. U-turns, slow rides, manoeuvers, and...what? I passed?! I PASSED! Freed from the constraints of being a learner biker, Mike and I wasted no time in upgrading me to a Kawasaki ER-5.
It's been quite a journey and I have truly loved every second of it. Mike and I love going out for bike rides together (although his is still much more powerful than mine, I'm getting there at catching up with him!). Although one "near-miss" where the bike slid out from under me did knock my confidence a lot, I'm feeling like biking could be a part of my life for a lonnng time. I'm so pleased I have found something that I truly love and enjoy and can be proud of achieving. To be honest, this is the feeling I thought I would get from nursing but so far...well, that's a story for another time!
Anyone else out there have something in their life like this?
